Lost and Delirious
by Kiss-Kiss-Kiss-Goodbye
Summary: After Beck breaks Jade's heart, there's only one place left for her to go, only one person she can trust, but can Tori put Jade back together while fighting her own feelings? Rated T for language...lots of language. I'm a bad influence.
1. Beautiful

**A/N: Well, here it is by popular demand...the first chapter of Lost and Delirious. Enjoy. P.S. I don't own Victorious...if I did there would be a lot more Jori. Shame really.**

**Beautiful **

I'm watching my life fall apart before my eyes.

Literally.

After I stormed away from Beck at Vega's house, I had assumed that our fight was nothing, one of those split second choices that would cause some drama but we'd eventually kiss and make up. Apparently I was wrong, very fucking wrong.

"I'm so sick of this crap, Jade. I'm tired of this run around, this "lets break up and get back together" merry-go-round! It would be different if this was the first time we've been here, but it isn't! It's not even the hundredth time."

"What are you saying?"

"Jade, I feel trapped in this relationship. I feel like I've been defined as "Jade's boyfriend" for the last three years. I need to find out who I am and what I want, and I can't do that with you, it's too hard."

"But babe, this is just the way-"

"No! It's not the way ANYBODY is. Why do you think our friends never invite us anywhere anymore? They're ashamed to be seen in the company of two people who are always screaming at each other. And its ALWAYS a fight with you and I'm sick to death of it, sick of constantly apologizing for you, sick of watching you treat everyone else like SHIT just because you can! I'm not gonna do anymore!"

"So you're giving up on me because I'm a bitch? Guess what Beck! Been a bitch since we started dating!"

"That's not it! Look I-I just-I..."

"You what? What?"

"I'm sorry. I tried my best. I thought that if I kept being a good example maybe you'd change how you deal with people, but I'm done with it. I'm tired of this fight."

"So I was just a FUCKING EXPERIMENT to you, to see if you could CHANGE ME?"

"NO! I loved you, I really did but.."

A horrible feeling comes over me. Like something huge is hurtling towards me at a about a million miles an hour. I can almost literally feel the weight of the tension in the air. An awful realization strikes me. I don't want to even THINK it but I have to know.

"But what Beck? What? Fucking say it! Or are you just not man enough?"

"I don't want you anymore Jade."

Its a slap in the face, but my anger drains away like blood from a slit throat. I'm about to break. My next question comes out in a whisper, like if I'm quiet enough no one will answer it.

"W-Why? W-Why don't you want me?"

"I've been seeing someone else. Someone better for me. Someone I need."

"How could you do this to me?"

He sneers at me, eyes cold. This is NOT my Beck.

"How did you not see this coming? Its not just everyone else you treat like shit, its me. ME! After everything we've been through, after everything I've done for you, you still treated me like an unwelcome guest in your life at best. At least you were a good fuck, otherwise I might have tossed you sooner! With Cat, I know where I stand. I know she wants me as more than a toy."

"Beck, please..."

"Don't, Jade. It's over. Get out."

There's nothing "about to" about me anymore, I'm breaking. I can't even feel disgust for how weak I sound. Lips quivering I barely get out my sentence without crying

"But I live here..."

"Not anymore."

He reaches behind his couch and pulls out a huge dufflle-bag by the strap and flings it at my feet. I'm too far gone to even think about picking it up.

"I don't have-where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

I stand there, stock-still, staring at him, willing this to all be a bad dream, some twisted nightmare brought about by too many horror movies.

But it's not.

Beck walks over and picks up the bag, then kicks his door open and tosses it outside. When I don't move to follow he grabs my arm roughly and shoves me out the door, slamming it behind him.

"I don't care where you go, as long as you go the hell away, Jade!"

I stand there in shock for several minutes, before I even realize that its raining. Its raining and its cliche and I don't care. My mind scrambles around for anything to help deal with this pain, anything to help me makes sense out of what just happened.

But there's nothing.

Finally, numbly, I pick up the bag that holds all of my worldly possessions and start walking down the rain soaked road. I don't know where I'm going, my feet move automatically while my brain tries to process the betrayal.

Cat and Beck, Beck and Cat.

It takes a few moments but I feel myself saying something, over and over.

"Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it..."

I stop myself.

No one can fix this.

Its irreparable.

No one can fix this, not even...

And it hits me even as I turn the corner on to her street. There was only one place I could go, only one person I could turn to, one person who might help me and I had unknowingly brought myself to her.

Tori Vega.

Soaked I pick up the pace and soon I'm standing in front of her door. The lights are on and the house looks welcoming, warm, safe. I knock on the door. I can hear footsteps and suddenly I'm blinded by the light from inside.

When my eyes adjust I can see her. Her eyes take in everything in seconds, my soaked clothing, my shivering, the tears I hadn't even felt myself shedding, and finally the dufflle-bag.

"Jade..."

Its a whisper but there's so much concern in her voice and in her eyes...

Seconds later, she's holding me despite how wet I am and I'm fighting back sobs while I try to tell her everything.

_**End Notes: For the record, I actually like Beck but he has to be a jerk for the purposes of this story. Anyway, tell me what you think, like it/hate it, wanna strangle me for hurting Jade so badly? Just hit the review button :) More soon. Peace, KKKG**_


	2. A Place to Fall

**A/N: So here we are dear readers, the second chapter of Lost and Delirious I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and faved and alerted. It is only through the magic of your support that any story is written... Wow that was much too deep for me outside of my fic, I apologize. Enjoy! Also the title for the first chapter came from the song Beautiful by 10 Years listen to it when you re-read the first chapter and you'll understand.**

**A Place to Fall**

**Tori's POV**

"This is nice."

"Yeah, I'm glad we finally got to have some time to ourselves, we've been so busy lately. I'm also really glad that Dad got Trina out of the house so that we could eat in peace."

My mother smiled at me from across the table. Dinner for two was our bonding time and with all the craziness at school and her hectic schedule we hadn't had the time to sit and catch up like we used to before I started at Hollywood Arts. Of course I may have avoided one or two of them on purpose because my mother tends to see right through me and at the time I wasn't ready to...well not lie to her but to deflect her suspicions. I am sooooo not ready to come out to my mother yet.

Thunder rattled the window panes and we both jumped and then laughed at our foolishness. The rain made a soothing background to our conversation, which stayed out of dangerous territory, or so I thought...

"So, you wanna tell me why you avoided our last dinner? Something you didn't want to tell me?"

Chiz.

"I'm sorry, its just that I'm trying to work something out on my own. It's nothing bad really, just something I need to get right in my head, but I promise, once I know how I feel, I'll tell you."

"Alright then, but no more dodging me, young lady!"

I love my mother. She didn't even ask one question, let alone the flood of biblical proportions that Dad would have unleashed, my promise of an eventual answer was good enough for her.

Right as we were finishing the dishes (another part of our little ritual: I wash, she dries) there was a knock at the door.

"I got it!"

Quickly drying my hands I strode across the living room humming "Make It Shine" under my breath. I jerked the door open (it sticks sometimes) and then go rigid with shock. My brain tries to process what I'm seeing.

Soaked clothes.

Wet, raven colored hair.

Crystal blue eyes with tears spilling from them.

Massive duffle-bag, also soaked through.

Pain.

"Jade..."

The bag drops to the floor at my whisper and she flings herself at me so hard that it spins me around and then we're on the floor on our knees, her arms wrapped tightly around me and she's shaking with sobs that sound like she's being ripped apart. She's trying to say something, to explain but it's so broken by her crying that it's incomprehensible.

"What in the world?"

My mother walks into the living room and sees Jade, soaking wet, sobbing hysterically and stops dead. Jade doesn't hear her and I subtly motion her away while still trying to soothe Jade. She retreats upstairs, sparing a pitying glance for Jade as she goes.

Slowly, Jade's crying subsides and she goes quiet.

She pulls away from me a little and meets my eyes, barely. She starts to speak but is interrupted by a violent shiver. It's quickly followed by more, so that it looks like she's having a fit.

"You can tell me after you get warmed up, come on."

I gently pull her to her feet and lead her upstairs to my room. I quickly rifle through my sleep clothes and hand her an over-sized shirt and some shorts, then send her off to the shower.

As soon as the water came on, Mom came out of her and Dad's room with a worried look on her face.

"What's wrong, Tori, is she okay?"

"I don't know yet. She couldn't get it out at first and then she was shivering so hard... Is it okay if she stays the night? It really looks like he needs a friend right now..."

"Of course sweetheart. If she needs anything let me know okay?"

I wait in my room for Jade to reappear and wonder what happened to hurt her so. I've never seen her in so much pain before. She's always so tough, so strong. I thought that she was invincible. Lost in my thoughts I don't notice my bedroom door open to admit Jade until she's standing in front of me, talking.

"Tori?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

She shrugs and sits down on the edge of the bed, calmer now, more like the Jade I know.

"What happened?"

She tries to look anywhere but at me but finally she meets my eyes and sighs, laying down on the bed curling into a ball and clutching one of my pillows for dear life.

"Beck kicked me out, he broke up with me, for real this time..."

_"Oh man,"_ I think, _"it can't get worse than that..."_

But I'm wrong.

"He cheated on me..."

That's the worst it can get.

"...with Cat."

There aren't word explicit enough for me to call him. So I let it go for now and focus on comforting Jade.

"I'm so sorry."

"I came because you were the only place I had left to go. I really need you right now, Vega."

Her voice is so empty and so hurt that tears well in my eyes. I reach over and smooth her hair back as she starts to cry again, not the heaving, broken sobs of before but tears of exhaustion and soon she's asleep.

I get up and turn out my lights, then I lay down and wrap my arms around her, holding her close. My protective instincts kick into overdrive, fueled by my not-so-little-crush on her. I make a promise to her in the darkness of my room.

"I'm here for you Jade, I'll always be here and no matter what, I'll help you get through this."

She shifts in her sleep and snuggles closer to me, unconsciously seeking comfort and I hold her all the tighter wanting to protect her from all of the crappy things in this world.

**End Notes: Well, whatcha think? See that lovely little review button? Click it and tell me. Until next time. KKKG**


	3. Lullaby for Nightmares

**A/N I'm sooooo sorry about the wait, things have been super crazy lately but that's no excuse for how long it has been since I updated. I will try harder I promise, please bear with me. **

**Lullaby For Nightmares**

**Jade's POV**

_The drive-way is dark, the streetlights broken, and twisting shadows swim at the edge of my vision as I walk towards the R.V. The night is dead silent, as if some predator were stalking nearby, just waiting for the the chance to strike. No light burns in the windows of the R.V., either; and it stands just as silent. Something is wrong here, very, very wrong. My hand shakes as I reach for the handle of the door, my body moving slowly like I'm trapped in thick syrup. The door opens easily and the darkness beyond looks like the empty void I know Hell to be. _

_And it's not quiet anymore, not inside._

_There's a hideous crunching, snapping sound that I recognize but refuse to allow myself to acknowledge. I step into the vehicle, all trace of slowness gone. There's something here that I need to see, and something here that WANTS me to see it too. Despite the surety of my steps, my whole body trembles as if it knows what I'll see shortly. I reach out and touch the light switch, flipping it up and light floods the darkness, banishing the shadows. It's wonderful to be out of the dark...for the half second it takes for me to see what was making the sounds. Then I can't un-see it and I wish feverishly for the shadows to hide this awfulness again. _

_His back is to me, crouched over someone's body, a spreading pool of blood in a crimson circle at his feet. The man turns and I see his face. Dead eyes, waxen tan skin, and a wide, terrible smile. It's Beck. And, as if he can tell that I recognize him, he smiles wider, the blood dripping from his mouth down his chin. He turns back around and suddenly there's a wet, sickening squelch. He stands and turns,allowing me to see the body. It's mine, my chest ripped open, my blood all over his floor. He holds his hand out, offering something to me. I tear my eyes away from the sight of my mangled body, anything was better than looking at that...right?_

_Wrong._

_He's holding my heart in his hand. I back away, stumbling in my haste and he shrugs lifting my still beating heart to his mouth. As he bites into it, I start screaming._

I wake screaming, sitting straight up in bed, my heart beating a mile a minute and I jump as a pair of warm arms wrap around me. I panic, still not fully done with the dream but the arms hold me in place, rocking me gently until the panic subsides.

"Jade, are you okay?"

I don't trust myself to speak yet so I just nod. Tori lays us back down, never letting go of me. I can feel the tears building again and I choke them back but I shudder in her arms and of course Tori notices.

"It was about him wasn't it? Sorry, you don't have to answer that."

She doesn't say anything else, she just holds me closer and that strange, safe feeling closes over me again like it did when I arrived on her doorstep. Then she starts to sing softly:

_"I like your smile_  
><em>But even introductions need to last awhile<em>  
><em>Sometimes I don't know if I'm right or wrong<em>  
><em>And in the end it seems like everything is worse when you're gone<em>

_There is no upper hand_  
><em>I'm giving you mine<em>  
><em>It doesn't have to end up wasting your time<em>  
><em>There's things that I could say<em>  
><em>But hear it my way<em>  
><em>I want to let you know that it's all okay<em>

_So there you are_  
><em>Mistakenly mistaken for a deeper scar<em>  
><em>A hole in your heart<em>  
><em>And the same for me<em>  
><em>Is everything you touch keeping you down<em>  
><em>or setting you free<em>

_There is no upper hand_  
><em>I'm giving you mine<em>  
><em>It doesn't have to end up wasting your time<em>  
><em>There's things that I could say<em>  
><em>But hear it my way<em>  
><em>I want to let you know that it's all okay<em>

_Shelter my eyes from the sun_  
><em>And wait for the birds to fly by<em>  
><em>Trying to reach every one<em>  
><em>And know what you're feeling inside<em>  
><em>Deep in my head now it's like a dream goodbye<em>

_There is no upper hand_  
><em>I'm giving you mine<em>  
><em>It doesn't have to end up wasting your time<em>  
><em>There's things that I could say<em>  
><em>But hear it my way<em>  
><em>I want to let you know that it's all okay<em>  
><em>Want to let you know that it's all okay<em>  
><em>Want to let you know<em>  
><em>That it's all okay"<em>

Her voice pushes back the worst of pain and I master my emotions and slip back into sleep, something that might have been impossible if I was alone. I fell, thankfully, into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Voices outside of Tori's door eventually rouse me, and groggily I notice that she's no longer laying beside me. I look at the window and see that it has stopped raining but it's still dark out, maybe one or two in the morning. I shake the sleepiness from my head and listen.

"Don't you think that it would be better for her to go to her parents' house, Tori?"

"You're not listening, Dad! Her dad threw her out, that's why she was living with..._ him_ in the first place. And then he went and did this to her, she trusted him! Ugh, it just pisses me off!"

"Language, Tori!"

"Sorry, Mom. Look, Jade's my friend, she has nowhere else to go, and she's having a really tough time right now. It's not like we don't have a guest room so please, just let her stay here, please? She needs someone to help her, she needs to know that not everyone is like her father or Beck, that we're not all gonna toss her out on the street."

"Okay, okay, you win Tori."

"She was always going to, where do you think she got that generosity from?"

"Thank you, thank you so much, both of you!"

I hear footsteps as Tori's parents retreat downstairs and then she opens the door. She lays back down next to me and drapes an arm protectively across my waist and it hits me that I haven't once objected to her touching me since I showed up on her doorstep. Normally I would have avoided this like the black plague, but it feels good, right. Is this what real friendship is? Or am I just using Tori to make myself feel better? That thought bothers me, and that's just as strange as me liking her touch. Somewhere along the way, without me ever seeing it happen, Tori changed from someone I tolerated to someone I trusted.

With those thoughts and Tori's arm wrapped around me, I drifted back to sleep.

**End Notes: All rights to Okay go to Backhouse Mike, I don't own it at all. I really liked this chapter, it took forever to get it right. Let me know what you think about it. Hit that beautiful review button. You know you want to...**


	4. House of Wolves

**A/N: Once again my absence is inexcusable, please forgive me dear readers. I hope you enjoy. I will have the next chapter up soon as well. Just in case no one is keeping up, the titles of the chapters are all song names. The song may or may not be in the chapter but it inspired my writing somehow. Just a little insight. Enjoy!**

**House of Wolves**

**Tori's POV**

Once Jade had finally fallen back asleep, I lay there wide awake. I had wanted to ask her about the dream that woke her, but the look on her face, the pain, the horror, stopped me in my track and all I could do was hold her, try to shield her from the night. I started singing and it calmed her down enough to sleep. My mother and father had called me out into the hallway then to discuss what was going on. After I explained, they agreed that as long as she needed to stay, Jade was welcome here. Which is why I'm still lying here, my arm around Jade's waist, struggling with how happy I am that she's able to stay with us. Because no matter how I feel about her, I shouldn't be happy right now, not when she's in so much pain.

The sky began to lighten outside my window, so I pulled my arm away from Jade, careful not to disturb her and got up. I went down stairs and began pulling pans and a skillet out to cook breakfast, my Sunday morning ritual. While the butter was melting I put the coffee on for my parents and Trina and started cracking eggs. Soon the kitchen was full of the smell of bacon and scrambled eggs with cheese. I was just finishing when my family made it downstairs.

"Morning sweetheart, smells good." my dad said, kissing my forhead.

Trina merely sat down at the table and grunted, gesturing for coffee. She's definitely not a morning person. Mom handed Trina her virulently purple coffe mug and then turned to me and said:

"Where's Jade? Still sleeping?"

Trina promptly spit her coffe all over the table.

"WHAT? Why is that psychopath here?"

_"Psychopath? How 'bout I shove this spatula up your ass!"_

The look on my face must have given away my violent intentions because my father put a restraining hand on my shoulder.

"Trina, we'll explain later, we're gonna be late if you and your father don't hurry." Mom said with a frown at the kitchen clock as she stood to go get dressed.

Still looking incredulous, Trina scarfed down the eggs and bacon and then raced upstairs to shower and dress. Dad smiled and thanked me again for breakfast then headed off to do the same. I sighed and cleaned up Trina's mess, knowing that she wouldn't, and washed their dishes. I left the stove like it was because I knew Jade would be hungry when she got up. As I left the kitchen, I met my Mom coming down the stairs.

"I put clean sheets and pillow cases in the guest room for Jade and cleared out the closet space so she can hang her things."

"Thanks, I'm gonna put her clothes in the wash then I'll take care of the bed."

I start to turn and pick up the bag, but my mother's hand stops me.

"Tori, how could they do this to her? Beck and Jade's father. I don't understand..."

"Me either, Mom. Jade's dad has never approved of anything she has done, but Beck, I NEVER thought he'd do anything to hurt her like this, it doesn't make sense."

Mom wraps her arms around me squeezes then pulls away with a smile.

"At least she's got you."

I flash a smile of my own and pick up the duffle-bag and traipse off to the laundry room. Shortly, Dad and Trina are downstairs and my family is off to San Diego to visit my grandmother.

After putting Jade's clothes in the wash I decided to fix up the guestroom for her. Now I love to clean, but cleaning without music is boring so I popped my headphones in and turned on my iPod, which loyally began blaring my cleaning playlist; a series of fast paced song I can't help but get moving to. I begin to sing as I start with the dusting.

_Well, I know a thing about contrition_  
><em>Because I got enough to spare<em>  
><em>And I'll be granting your permission<em>  
><em>Cause you haven't got a prayer<em>

_Well I said, hey hallelujah_  
><em>I'm gonna come on, sing the praise<em>  
><em>Let the spirit come on through ya<em>  
><em>We got innocence for days<em>

_Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell_  
><em>Everybody burn the house right down<em>  
><em>And say, yeah, what I wanna say<em>

_Tell me I'm an angel_  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad girl<em>  
><em>Kick me like a stray<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm an angel<em>  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>

_S-I-N. I S-I-N_

_You play ring around the ambulance_  
><em>Well like you never gave a care<em>  
><em>So get the choir boys around you<em>  
><em>It's a compliment, I swear<em>

_I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down_  
><em>I wanna hear you sing the praise<em>  
><em>I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down<em>  
><em>We got innocence for days<em>

_Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell_  
><em>Everybody burn the house right down<em>  
><em>And say, yeah, what I wanna say<em>

_Tell me I'm an angel_  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad girl<em>  
><em>Kick me like a stray<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm an angel<em>  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>

_You better run like the devil, _  
><em>Cause they're never gonna leave you alone<em>

_You better hide up in the alley_  
><em>Cause they're never gonna find you a home<em>

_And as the blood runs down the walls_  
><em>You see me creepin' up these halls<em>

_I've been a bad motherfucker_  
><em>Tell your sister I'm another<em>

_GO! _  
><em>GO! <em>  
><em>GO! <em>

_Well I said say, what I wanna say_  
><em>Tell me I'm an angel<em>  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad girl<em>  
><em>Kick me like a stray<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm an angel<em>  
><em>Take this to my grave<em>

_Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad girl_  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad girl<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad girl<em>  
><em>Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad girl<em>

_So get up! _  
><em>So get out! <em>

_S-I-N. I S-I-N!_

By the end of the song I was almost literally screaming the lyrics, in a full cleaning frenzy. Dust had nothing on me, sheets and comforter changed with zero issues, I even hung up some dark purple curtains I had bought for myself several months ago but had never gotten around to hanging up in my room. Satisfied, I turned from hanging the curtains and jumped about ten feet in the air. Jade there, leaning against the door-frame, watching me, smirking. My face felt like the sun and probably looked like a sun-burnt tomato. I yanked the earbuds out with more force than strictly necessary.

"I feel a pattern forming, Vega. I fall asleep to you singing and I wake up to you singing. Nice song by the way."

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I just get carried away with cleaning..."

"Tori, you didn't have to do all this for me-"

"I wanted to, plus Mom and Dad agreed to let you stay as long as you need to last night, well I guess this morning really, so you needed a space for yourself and-"

Her hand covers my mouth and I shut up.

"You're babbling, Vega..."

Then she pulls me into a hug and for a second I just stand there, shocked, but soon I'm hugging her back. Part of me feels guilty that I'm getting more out of this than she realizes, but the bigger part of me is far too busy doing a touchdown dance to listen.

Her stomach rumbles and we both laugh as she pulls away.

"How 'bout some breakfast?"

She smiles, nods and leads the way downstairs while I'm left to wonder what the hell I've gotten myself into.

**End Notes: Once again I'm sooooooooo sorry for the lateness. My Chemical Romance owns House of Wolves not me. And please let me know what you think, otherwise the review button is merely so much wasted space. Til next time, I love you all! KKKG**


	5. The Last Night

**A/N: Again, I'm sooo sorry for the late update. Things have been really crazy with work and my family lately. Never fear that I will let this story die however, it just might take me awhile to finish. I want it to be in the 10 to 15 chapter range or longer. So please bear with me and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

**The Last Night**

Vega makes the BEST breakfast. Who would have thought that she could cook? She flashes that hundred watt smile of hers at me as I snarf down sausage, eggs and toast like a starving woman and then goes about cleaning up the breakfast mess.

While I finish the last scraps of my breakfast, I start thinking about the last time I had eaten a real home-cooked meal. Definitely NOT the best place for my mind to be right now, because it had been Beck that had cooked it. Dinner for our year and a half anniversary. I'd been surprised by his aptitude in the kitchen as well.

"Shit..."

My fork hits the plate with a clang as I angrily scrub at my eyes, trying to kill the tears before they really get started. I hate crying. I hate feeling this weak, this hurt, but I can't stop it and suddenly sobs are ripping out of me and I'm a howling mess. A pair of arms wraps around me and I turn my face into Vega's shoulder. She doesn't tell me it will be alright, she doesn't verbally attack Beck, she doesn't promise me things will get better. She just holds me. It strikes me then that I'm baring myself, my weakness, to someone I used to hate, someone I couldn't stand. And now she's the one person I can count on, she's my best friend.

That thought is so funny that I burst into laughter. I know I'm hysterical right now but the laughter feels better than the tears so I just let it loose. Tori pulls back to look at me, concern written all over her face.

"Are you okay?"

The genuine worry almost makes me burst back into tears, but I just smile weakly and shake my head, I can't explain it to her right now and I'm not sure she'd even get the joke if I could explain.

"Alright then, let's do something fun."

"Like what?" I hate that my voice still shakes.

"Movie?"

"Sure, as long as its not one of those God-awful comedies."

She rolls her eyes at me.

"Tell you what, West. You go get a shower and when you come back down I'll have selection for you, how does that sound?"

After a good long shower I'm walking back downstairs, dressed in more of Vega's clothes when I see what looks like a massive filing cabinet that wasn't in the living-room before. Tori walks out of the laundry room and gestures towards it.

"Go ahead, pick your poison."

"You mean that whole thing is filled with movies?"

"Yup, and they're all your kind of movie, I guarantee."

"We'll see."

I walk to the cabinet with more than a hint of skepticism and try to open it. It refuses to budge, so I grip the top drawer and pull with all my strength and still nothing. By this time Tori is laughing behind me and trying to stifle it.

"Vega!"

"I'm sorry but that was funny." She says with a big grin still plastered all over her face. I glare daggers at her. "Okay, okay, jeez take a joke Jade."

She reaches passed me and unfolds the doors, its a faux cabinet and inside is the single greatest horror movie collection I've ever seen. There have to be over four hundred movies from, the black and white era up to today. I'm completely shocked.

"What the hell?"

"My dad and I love horror movies, actually we're kind of obsessed with them."

"But I thought you hated this kind of thing? The way you reacted to _The Scissoring-"_

"Ugh, that was an awful movie. That's why I reacted like I did. It was so freaking predictable and all the dark shadows in the world can't hide the type of fake blood they used. The concept was solid but it just didn't follow through."

I slug her in the arm, not quite as hard as I could but close.

"Ow! What was that for!"

"Watch it Vega, that's my favorite movie!"

"Well then, I guess its a good thing we've got it then, isn't it?"

She smiles holding up a copy and I can't help but grin back at her, slightly chagrined. She got me.

We spend hours watching horror movies: _The Scissoring, Repo, the Genetic Opera, Dracula, Dr. Frankenstein, Machine Man, Psycho_ and more. Sometimes we laughed ourselves silly at the awful special effects and sometimes even I have to hide my face because as much as I like this type of thing, some scenes really get to me. We order pizza and watch more movies and the more we watch the better I feel. I feel safe here.

The rest of the Vegas get home around 9 and we're still on the couch watching the last scenes of the remake of _The Last House on the Left. _Mr. Vega rushes over to join us, grinning like a kid in a candy store leaving Trina and Mrs. Vega shaking their heads in disgust.

"I think that the three of you have to have the sickest interests ever! Are Mom and I the only normal ones in this house?"

Trina either misses or ignores the incredulous look her mother gives her while mouthing: "You, normal?" and stomps upstairs.

The movie ends and Mrs. Vega comes out of the laundry room with a basket full of clothes and plops them down in front of me with a smile.

"Here you go Jade, everything's washed and dried so you can wear your own style tomorrow at school."

Hiding the sinking feeling in my gut when she mentions tomorrow, I manage to smile back at her.

"Thanks, you didn't have to do that for me, I would have-"

"Oh its no trouble Jade, but I'm not the one who washed for you, that was Tori."

I glance over at the youngest Vega and she turns away, blushing. I smirk.

"Tori Vega, future housewife..."

They all laugh and I suddenly wish that my family had been like this, that I had had this, at least for a little while.

"Let's hope not anytime soon, though." Mr. Vega said yawning. "I think its time for bed."

Tori and I trudge upstairs and she follows me into the guest room. Its nice, not dark enough for me but nice. A gentle hand on my should halts my examination of the room and I turn to her taking in her expression.

"You're worried about tomorrow aren't you? I saw the way you looked when Mom mentioned school."

"Yeah, I am." What is it about her that makes me admit to being so weak. "All that false sympathy and the rumors and _they_ will be there."

I can't bring myself to say their names.

She reaches out and takes my hand. I look up and see a familiar determination on her face. I've seen it every time she's stood up to me, seen it right before a show or when she's about to sing. Its what caused me to see her as a rival so long ago, that look. It says: _**Nothing can stop me.**_

"I'll be right there with you, Jade. I'll protect you from them, if you want me to."

I smile and then I chuckle at her.

"C'mon Vega, who's gonna be intimidated by you?"

"You'd be surprised."

"We'll see."

We say goodnight and she heads off towards her room.

It takes forever for me to get to sleep. The bed is comfortable, but it feels empty, too big for me. The room has unfamiliar shadows that take the shape of the one who hurt me. Finally, sleep rolls over me like a wave. And when I wake up screaming again, Tori is there, holding me, rocking me until I've cried myself out and fall back asleep.

I feel like absolute shit the next morning and the closer we get to school, the worse I feel. When we pull into the parking lot, I almost ask Tori to turn around, but I tell myself that I'm tougher than that. We walk warily through the doors and I'm trying not to notice the stares, the whispers. I'm trying to put on my ice, throw up my walls, bare my sword but I'm failing. We stop at Tori's locker.

"Shit, I left something in the car, I'll be right back."

I grimace.

"Don't worry, you're Jade West remember? Steel under velvet. Tough as nails."

She runs back out of the hallway to the car. I'm trying not to meet anyone's eye and because I keep my gaze moving, it lands on the one thing I truly wanted to avoid. I see them, Cat and Beck, I see them kissing by the doors that lead to the Black Box Theatre and suddenly I'm fighting tears again. That's when it happens.

"Well, well, the icy bitch _can_ melt."

I look up, and there is Sharon Garretty, Queen of the Senior Skanks. She has hated me since I took her down a few pegs for flirting with Beck last year. As usual, she's surrounded by her fawning followers: Jessica, Michaela, and Kim, three girls with no personality but the one Sharon allows them.

"What do you want?" I try to sound tough but its weak even to my ears.

"Nothing. I just think it funny that after all the effort you put into being with him, he drops you for that ditzy red-headed freak you used to call your best friend."

I slump against the lockers, I don't wanna let them see me cry let them see me cry, that's what they want, but its getting harder, because they're right. He tossed me like yesterday's trash.

"How does it feel, Jade? How does it feel to go from Top Bitch to Lower than Dirt, hmm?"

"You wanna find out? Keep talking." A voice sounds out from behind Sharon and the Skanks and suddenly Tori shoves through the four of them and is at my side. I shift myself so that I'm behind her, so that I don't have to look at them, so they can't see what they've done to me.

"This isn't any of your business Vega, so-"

"I'm making it my business Sharon, so shut your big goddamn mouth and listen up."

I'm so shocked at that, that I look up and see my emotion mirrored on their faces.

"If you or any of your little sheep say one more word to or about Jade, I will find you. And when I do, I'll shove your sorry ass back up your mother's clown-hole, have her rebirth you and name you 'Tori's Bitch'. Is that in anyway unclear? Good, now run along." She makes a shoo-ing motion and they scurry away, too shocked to do anything but obey her.

Tori turns to me and smiles. "I told you I could be intimidating."

She takes my hand.

"Come on, let's get out of here. School was a bad idea today."

**End Notes: Well it took me forever but I really like this chapter. Questions, comments, hate mail? Hit the review button or send me a PM. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can get to it, hopefully very soon. Love you guys! KKKG**


	6. Yours to Hold

**A/N: Well here we are again dear readers. I'd like to thank all those who alerted and faved this story and a special thanks to all those who reviewed, if I didn't respond to you it's not because you aren't important to me, its because I have very little free time, most of which is spent writing my stories and playing Skyrim. Please keep reviewing though, they really make my day and help motivate me. Without any further ado, I present...**

**Tori's POV**

**Yours To Hold**

I take Jade's hand in mine and instantly my heart goes crazy.

"Come on, let's get out of here. School was a bad idea today."

She looks up at me, unshed tears in her eyes and grins that grin that nearly sends me into cardiac arrest. I've got it bad. Real bad.

"Tori Vega skipping school? Why I never thought I'd see the day!"

Instead of annoying me, her mockery of me makes me laugh. I take it as a sign that she's feeling a little more like herself after the way those _bitches_ treated her. I've never seen Jade hide before. And while it felt great to able able to protect her, it was awful to see her like that, so vulnerable. Beck didn't just hurt her, he took away part of who she is, she let him in and he let the enemy inside, drained her moat, and blew her walls to pieces. Her guard is down, and while I've seen her smile more in the last three days than the rest of our friendship combined, I've also seen how broken she is, how many pieces he left her in. She has nothing left to protect her.

Except me.

"I do NOT talk like that!"

She wipes her eyes with her free hand and smiles harder.

"Whatever, Vega. I thought we were going?"

Both laughing, we dash out the doors just as the bell rings for first period. Jade grips my hand all the way to the car and I feel like my heart might burst when she takes it again once I've started the car. I get that she doesn't feel the way I do. I get that she is reaching out to the only person she has left. It doesn't stop me from loving every second of it, I'll take her any way that I can get her-even if its just as a friend.

Ten minutes later we roll up to my house and I'm still grinning like an idiot.

"Jeez Vega, skipping school doesn't have much appeal if we're just gonna hangout at your house..."

"We're not. This is just a stop. Besides, Mom comes home early and I'd hate to be caught, she'd kill me."

"Where are we going then?"

"Somewhere special."

She looks at me, puzzled but she doesn't question it, she just slides out of the car.

I tell her to grab her swimsuit and rush into my room to find my own. I'm debating between my dark purple bikini and my white one with black lilies when she opens my door.

"You ready to- Vega, why do you have a sword?"

My eyes automatically rise to see the blade mounted on my wall, my pride and joy, my secret passion(aside from Jade herself anyway). Twenty-six inches of gleaming, razor-sharp beauty in the blade and a rose and serpent engraved bell guard polished to a mirror sheen. I feel the blood rush to my face and I'm sure I look like a fool.

"Well, its kind of a long story..."

"Oh I have to hear this!"

"Okay so, you know my dad's a cop right? Well he insisted that Trina and I learn some sort of martial art. Trina picked karate, of course, but I wanted to do something different, something unique. Plus I was always really into the whole 'woman warrior' thing. So I decided on fencing. I really enjoy it and it keeps me in great shape. I also, apparently, have a talent for it: I've won the last six tournaments I competed in. My instructor, Mr. Romero had that made for me. It's name is Vibora, or Viper because that's what he says watching me fence is like, seeing a viper strike."

I finish in a rush, sure that my babbling put me all the way back to square one with her. I glance her way, just to see how bad it is, and she looks amused, a little impressed too, but amused!

"What's so funny?" I ask, coloring again.

"It's just hard to picture. I hadn't realized you could be so cool, Vega."

"Thanks and thanks for not laughing at me. I know its so out dated, but I really just like it for some reason and-"

"Vega, you're rambling. Can I hold it?"

I reach up and remove Vibora from her plaque and hand her gently to Jade.

"Careful, she's very sharp."

"Okay, it has a name and you're calling it a 'she'?"

I shrug.

"Mr. Romero says that all blades are female and that all great swords should have a name. He's old fashioned like that."

"Will I ever get to see 'Viper Tori'?"

Her smile is skeptical. I take Vibora from her and back up about three feet and execute the most complicated series of attacks I can think of, as fast I can. The skeptical smirk vanishes and leaves her jaw dropped in a stunned 'o'. I bow and then smile at her as I place my blade back on her plaque.

"If you leave that open like that, you'll catch flies. Now come on, we've gotta get out of here before Mom shows up and catches us."

We leave, wearing our bikinis under our clothes and carrying massive beach towels and a cooler with a lunch I packed. The drive takes a little over forty-five minutes and we ride in silence with only the wind to keep us company. Jade seems to be thinking so I let her wander in her own head while I drive. The place we're going is somewhere I've never taken anyone else. Like my fencing, its a part of me I've never shared, and I'm getting nervous.

We arrive at Sunny Point, a small, out of the way area of the beach and climb out of the car. The butterflies in my stomach are the size of elephants now.

"Is this where you wanted to take me?"

I shake my head.

"Close your eyes Jade."

"What? Why-?"

"Just trust me, please?"

She struggles for a minute but then she heaves a sigh and her eyes slide closed. I take her hand and lead her away from the entrance to Sunny Point and off into the dunes, following a trail that exists only in my memory. I feel her jump as the cat-tails brush against her, but she relaxes and and lets me lead on. Its not a long walk but its just out of the way enough that I'm sure no one else knows this place exists. When I finally stop, I maneuver myself behind her to make sure she's facing the way I want her to, I know how I reacted to this place the first time and I want her to see the same thing I did.

"Okay, you can open your eyes now."

I know what I see: the high rock walls that surround the place, the quartz crystals glinting in the sun from their rocky perches, the long stretch of pure white sand leading down to the peaceful blue-green ocean, the waves gently lapping at the shore. Its a paradise to me, my own little slice of heaven.

But I can't see her face, I can't gauge her reaction to this part of me that I've shown her.

"Jade?"

"Tori, this is...gorgeous... I've never seen anything like it. How did you know about this?"

"I found it by accident. Mom and Dad always used to bring Trina and me to Sunny Point when we were little. One day Trina was annoying me, so I ran off to get away from her before I killed her and literally stumbled into this place."

"This is so awesome, Vega. Your own secret getaway." She laughs, shaking her head. "Come on, lets have some fun."

We lay our towels out on the sand and spend hours in the water, laughing and splashing around like little kids. We break for awhile to eat and we just talk, not about Beck or Cat or anything close to what happened to her Saturday night (God was it really only two days ago?). Just superficial stuff but it was fun. Then it was back into the water. She looked so beautiful that I couldn't keep my hands off of her: taking her hand, hugging her, tickling her in the water. She never questioned any of it, which made me feel a little guilty but I quickly pushed that tiny voice aside. She was happy, I was happy. It didn't matter that we weren't happy for the same reason. I hope.

The setting sun finds us stretched out on our towels, Jade's head resting in my lap. We've been sitting here, in comfortable silence for a while now. I like that fact that I don't have to fill it with random conversation. Silence is golden.

On the drive back we scream lyrics at each other until I'm sure we're gonna lose our voices. Mom was a little upset that I hadn't called and told where we were going but Jade's smile stopped any real anger. I think she was shocked that she could smile so wide.

That night I lay in bed, replaying the events from the day and grinning to myself when I heard the door open. I looked up as Jade slid into my room and shut the door.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I just didn't want to be alone."

She lays down on my bed and covers herself with my blanket. I turn over completely to meet her eyes in the faint light from my window.

"I also wanted to say thanks, for standing up for me, for the beach, for everything..."

I smile at her.

"You don't have to thank me. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do."

She returns my smile and then scoots closer to me. My arms automatically go around her as hers encircle my waist.

"You make me feel safe. I've never had anyone do that for me, not even-I've never had a friend like you Vega, so thanks."

"Anytime."

She drifts off to sleep, still holding onto me, like I'm the only thing keeping her from falling off the edge of the world. But even if I am, she has nothing to worry about. I'll never let her go.

**End Notes: Gasp! Two chapters in one week? What is wrong with me? I think I need to see a doctor... I hope I wasn't too heavy in Tori's head in this chapter, but I felt like I needed to show how she feels about Jade, the whole depth of it. So hit that review button and let me know what you think, about Tori's feeling, about the whole fencing thing, the beach scene, or whatever. Catch ya later. Much love, KKKG.**


	7. Make a Move

**A/N: I apologize for the massive delay on this chapter, I've been very sick and my laptop died. However, I'm back now and bring you some Jori so enjoy!**

**Jade's POV**

**Make a Move**

_I stood alone and naked in the center of a massive arena. Kids from Hollywood Arts screamed from their seats all around me, like Romans in the Coliseum. Before me are my opponents, Sharon and the Senior Skanks. Their bodies are twisted and corrupted but still recognizable. Too thin in some places and grotesquely bulging with muscle in others, skin ashen and torn, ragged nails like claws and rusty, pitted blades bared and ready. Horrors from the depths of nightmare, ready and able to rip me apart._

_And above it all, on the Emperor's throne, sat a demon wearing Beck's face. His skin was black and cracked as if burned, red light seeped through rents in the rocky flesh, eyes an empty void, massive curled horns grew from his forehead and swept back over the sparse and mangy hair on his skull. He smiled and it felt as though the razor-teeth were already biting into my heart. At his side stood Cat, or at least something that looked like Cat. Her left side was beautiful, perfect, but her right was rotting and corrupted, like the Norse Goddess Hel or the Japanese Izanami. She wrapped herself around the Beck-demon and he called out in ringing tones:_

"_Begin!"_

_The putrid Senior Skanks surged towards me, faster that I would have thought possible on their rotting legs. I turned to run but knew I wasn't fast enough. They would close the distance in seconds and tear me to shreds._

_I ran anyway._

_Funny how knowing you're about to die doesn't stop you from trying to live…_

_And yet somehow, I'm evading these monstrous things. Their weapons and claws flash by so close that I can feel the wind of their passing but none touch me. A grinding noise grabs my attention and I see gates opening wide in the fall wall as hundreds more of these necrotic walking corpses pour out, eager for my flesh. My foot snags on something and I go down hard._

"_**This is it. I'm done."**_

_I curl into a fetal ball, knowing that I'm dead…but suddenly I'm not. My eyes are squeezed shut but I can still hear: the sounds of the running corpses have slowed. They're stopping._

_I open my eyes and see a figure clad in white, something shining brilliantly in its hand. Though its features are obscured, I feel safe in its presence. The monsters howl and charge once more only to be rebuffed and destroyed by the light emanating from my guardian. As the last one falls and is burned away by my savior, the Beck-thing and the Cat-demon stand, roaring defiance. The figure lifts its hand and a shaft of brilliant, searing light streaks towards them. They vanish as it reaches them, gone like smoke on the wind._

_The figure turns to me and lifts me to my feet. The light hides everything but the eyes of my savior._

"_Who are you?"_

_Although I hear nothing, I can tell the figure is laughing as it shakes its head. It draws me closer and suddenly I'm very aware of the fact that I'm still very naked. I see the warm, brown eyes of my guardian just before I'm drawn into a soft, lingering kiss…_

I woke with a start, staring at Tori's wall. I could feel her arm still draped across me from where she had been holding me all night.

"Beck…"

The whisper shakes me, bringing the dream back in full. I'm sure that the figure dressed in white was Beck, the way I used to think of him: my savior, my love but I need to remember that the real Beck is just like the demon king in my dream, just as cruel, just as vile. But it's hard to hate someone you gave three years of your life to, and I'm weak, so weak and pathetic. I feel the tears start rolling down my cheeks and my body shake with sobs.

"Jade?"

Of course she's awake.

"Jade, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it was just a stupid dream, I'm fine."

But that's a lie and Tori knows it.

"Bullshit. Tell me."

Her tone is irresistible; I turn and see her eyes, so full of concern. I launch myself at her, already breaking down. I can be weak with Tori, I can let her see the mess I am, because she'll never use it against me and she'll help me pick up the pieces. So I tell her, everything, the dream, what I think it means, all of it. She looks at me for a moment then grins.

"No wonder you wanna be a director. I didn't know your dreams were so vivid!"

Her irreverence pisses me off at first. How dare she not take this seriously! Then it hits me and I'm smiling too. By making it seem less like a big deal, she's taken the power of the dream away, and let's face it; it WOULD be a killer movie idea, yeah?

"C'mon, lets get ready."

"I don't know, Tori..."

"It will be fine and besides, you can't let them chase you away from school."

Nodding her head decisively, Tori flounces out of the room and down the stairs, presumably to make breakfast. I briefly considered making a run for it, but she'd be on to me and she's right of course. I'm Jade West. Nobody chases me anywhere! I'm tough as nails, velvet over steel. I'm stronger than this.

_"Are you really though?"_ a tiny voice inside me asks. I push it away. Its time for me to start acting like myself again. Time to push through and tell the world to go fuck itself.

My resolve is severely shaken by the time we pull into Hollywood Arts though. I want to run and hide and never walk through those doors again but, as I turn towards her to ask her to take me home, Tori takes my hand and smiles at me and its cheezy and sickening (and dear God can I really be thinking this?!) but I suddenly know that I can make it through if she's there. Tori Vega is my best friend. And it's not a joke. She's turning me into a sap though. I have got to end this BEFORE I become a diabetic from all this disgusting sweetness. Despite the rather large part of me that doesn't want to, I jerk my hand out of hers and stalk towards the doors.

"I don't need you to hold my damn hand, Vega. Let's do this chiz."

Wow, I actually managed to sound like me. Hell yeah.

"Welcome back, Jade."

I can hear the smile in her voice and it makes me feel just a little bit better.

By 11, I feel like shit again. Its not so bad in first block, I have Tori that hour, but when I'm not with her, it seems like everyone is staring at me. I can't get the whispers out of my head. Its like being stuck next to a fucking beehive. I exit each class as quickly as I can to avoid being cornered by anyone. I rush through the hallway, caring less than usual if I knock anyone down and make it to Script Writing where I can hide in my new play for an hour and not deal with all of the drama obsessed dicks that apparently attend this school.

Thankfully, I managed to get lost in my script and the hour flew by. Now its lunch time and then Sikowitz's class with Tori and afterwards we can finally go home and end this day. I reach my locker with no problems and switch out my books for the notebook I carry to Sikowitz's class and wrapped in thoughts of leaving the whispers don't really register.

"Oh shit, no WAY..."

"Is she stupid?"

"Should we stop her?!"

"Nah, this is gonna be fun!"

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I spin around smiling like a complete idiot, but when I see who it is, my smile dies as quickly as it came and rage boils up so fast that I'm sure that I look demented. Because standing there, looking guilty and determined at that same time is none other than Cat, half the fucking reason I've felt lower than dirt over the last few days.

I wanna stab her in the face, but I check myself because 1) Murderers don't become stars and 2) Tori wouldn't want me to and, strangely, the second reason is more compelling. Instead, I put all of my hate into my next sentence.

"What the _**fuck**_ do _**you**_ want?"

She recoils like I slapped her and my instinct to comfort her and retract my claws almost takes over, being someone's friend since third grade ingrains things into you, especially if you're naturally a mean person and your best friend is super sensitive. Instead I remind myself what she has done and wait.

"Can we talk?"

"We are talking, Cat. That's what you call it when words come out of your goddamn mouth."

"I mean privately. You really wanna do this in front of them?"

She gestures behind her to all of the faces staring avidly at us, wondering how I was going to hurt her. Like she and Beck hadn't already ripped my damn heart out.

"Fine."

I stalk away towards the janitor's closet, not waiting to see if she follows. Once we're locked inside, I don't give her the chance to speak.

"What do you want, Cat? You wanna rub it in my face that you've been fucking Beck behind my back? Is that it? Why are you here?"

"I'm here to apologize, Jade, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It wasn't supposed to happen this wa-"

"Exactly what way was it supposed to happen, Cat? You stole my boyfriend. You SLEPT with him while he and I were still together! You were my best friend, how could you do this to me?!"

"I couldn't help it, Jade. I love him."

"So that makes it okay to take him away from me?"

Tears build up in her eyes but they never spill over, and suddenly I know what this is: its an act. She's trying to make herself look better to the rest of them. Not all the negative shit has been directed at me after all.

"No it doesn't I feel awf-"

"Cut the bullshit, Cat. You aren't a good enough actress to make me believe you didn't know exactly what you were doing."

She straightens up. The tears are gone as if they had never been and she looks me dead in the eye with a little smirk pulling up one side of her mouth.

"Fine. You want the truth? Here it is: I wanted him, I've wanted him for a very long time. I didn't lie when I said I loved him. I got sick of the way you treated him and sick of waiting for him to man up and tell you to get lost, so I gave him a little taste of what life would be like with someone else and it turns out that he likes being treated like a person instead of an accessory. So the question is: what are you gonna do about it, Jade?"

I see red. Something uncoils in me. Its not the darkness that I've always held onto, no this is bright and shiny and red, red, red like fresh blood. I slap her so hard that her head jerks back and hits the wall and she slides down it. My palm is searing. She looks at me from the floor, hand cupping her cheek, and all I can see in her eyes is hate and it hits me that this person, this girl that I have called my best friend for more than ten years is gone from me, blown away like dust in a windstorm. Tears start to fill my eyes and I dash from the closet before she can see that she ripped out another piece of my heart. Somehow, part of me had clung on to the hope that it wasn't her fault. Now that hope was crushed into shards that rip into me like fucking _knives._

I need to get away from here. I need to get to Tori.

She's the only one that I can count on now.

**End Notes: Again, I'm very sorry its taken me so long to get this up. The next chapter is coming soon. I going to try to post every other week on thursday so be on the look out. Meanwhile leave me a review and if you have any suggestions as to what should happen next feel free to PM me. Love you guys KKKG**


	8. For Whom the Bell Tolls

**A/N: There is no excuse for my lack off attention to this story, I truly must beg for you forgiveness. However, you can thank mooncheese for kicking my butt back into gear so that I could post this chapter, please enjoy this new installment of Lost and Delirious.**

**For Whom the Bell Tolls**

**Tori's POV**

Jade found me on the way to lunch and drug me upstairs towards the roof. The look on her face as well as the fresh tears running down her cheeks crushed any protest and I gripped her hand tightly, letting her know I was there for her. We reached the roof of Hollywood Arts and shut the door behind us quickly and then Jade flung herself into my arms sobbing.

"Shh, honey, its okay. What happened? Was it Beck?"

"N-No, it was Cat. She took me into the Janitor's Closet to talk and s-she made me so mad, she said all of these awful things and I just lost c-control. I hit her, Tori; I slapped her so hard she hit the wall."

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything at first but one look at her face told me that I couldn't just leave her hanging.

"Jade, she provoked you. It wasn't your fault. It sounds like she did it on purpose."

"I don't know. Tori, I've never hit Cat. She was my best friend! But she-she…"

Jade's words dissolved into heart-wrenching sobs and I squeezed her closer, trying to non-verbally let her know that everything was going to be fine. Anger course through me, how dare Cat do this! Jade hadn't even recovered from being tossed out onto the street and then this happened. I wanted to do some slapping myself, but I held my anger in check, it wasn't what Jade needed to see or hear, she already knew she'd been betrayed, she didn't need yet another reminder.

When her crying had slowed, I wiped away her tears with my thumbs and looked her in the eyes.

"Don't worry about it, come on let's go get something to eat and then it will be time for Sikowitz's class and then we can go home."

"I'm not worried about Cat." She replied, as something flickered deep in her eyes that I didn't recognize. "I'm worried about what Beck will do, he's different now, Tori. He's not who we used to know..."

I thought about that for a minute but decided it didn't matter, I'd promised to protect her and that included anything that Beck might try.

"Don't worry; he can't do anything while we're at school. Besides, I'm going to protect you, remember?"

She smiled, but that unfamiliar emotion still lurked in her eyes. Suddenly, I recognized it for what it was: Jade West was afraid. I took her hand and we walked back down the steps in silence, both of us wondering what else could go wrong today.

In Sikowitz's class it became apparent very quickly that Cat had told Beck what had happened or her version of it at least. Every time Sikowitz's back was turned the glare that Beck shot at Jade was pure murder and from the way she stiffened and gripped my hand tighter, she knew he was looking at her, despite her attempts to appear as if she was oblivious. Of course every time Beck looked at her, he met my eyes too and I glared right back with all of the anger I could muster. He seemed to dismiss me, which only heated my ire to a fever pitch.

The bell rang and my anger turned to panic. As everyone stood to leave, Beck started towards us but was intercepted by Andre, who was asking about an outing they had planned at the Karaoke Dokie and while he was distracted I whispered to Jade as I pushed her to the door:

"Go to my car, go now, I'll get your stuff from your locker and meet you there."

She looked at me unsure but I nodded and she went, more quickly than I'd ever seen her move. She really did not want to confront Beck, nor did I. When I turned around though, he had disappeared. I had a bad feeling but I rushed to my locker and Jade's gathering our things into my bag and rushing to the parking lot. The scene there stopped me cold. Beck was by my car, pounding on the window and Jade had locked herself in and was huddled down in the seat, Cat was nowhere in sight but I knew she'd be watching.

"Open the damn door, Jade!"

All of my anger rushed back and I dropped my bag and pushed my way through the small crowd around the car that stood gawking at the spectacle. As his hand came up to hit my car once more, I grabbed his wrist and spun him around and with a quick push sent him stumbling away from the car.

"How about you not put your filthy hands on my car again?" I said dangerously sweet-toned.

"Let me talk to Jade, _Vega._"

"Not gonna happen, _Oliver._"

"You wouldn't be protecting her if you knew what she did, Tori she—"

"She gave Cat exactly what she deserved, and exactly what she asked for, Cat provoked her."

"BULLSHIT!"

He screamed, coming right up into my face, I refused to flinch or move back. Instead, I planted my hand firmly on his chest, hooked my heel behind his and firmly shoved him so that he fell flat on his ass on the hot pavement. Shocked and embarrassed, he quickly stood and walked towards me but stopped short as a knowing look passed over his face, a smirk that I didn't like lifted his lips and was gone.

"Why are you defending her, Tori?"

"She's my friend."

"Oh really, even though she's gone out of her way to make your life miserable? How is that a friend?"

"You can't manipulate me, Beck so stop trying, it's pathetic."

The smirk came back and he walked forward, just close enough to whisper to me:

"Does she know that you have a dyke-crush on her, Tori?"

My face heated up even though no one was close enough to have heard him. My eyes dropped from his for the first time in the entire fight.

"Oh my god, I was right, you are a little dyke, aren't you?!" he says, still too low for anyone else to hear.

My blood heats at the word and I uncoil, all of my anger focused into one point: my fist connected with his face with enough force to rock his head back. He spins back around, his own fist raised—

"Enough!"

Lane and the security guard stride in and pull Beck away and drag the two of us to his office. Neither of us says a word; we just glare murder at each other as the side of Beck's face slowly turns purple. Since neither one of us spoke, Lane gave us four extra detentions each on top of the three we'd get for fighting and then we were escorted to our cars by the security guards.

As I got into my car, Jade looked at me in an apologetic way and opened her mouth to speak; I stopped her by placing my fingers over her lips.

"It's okay; I told you I was going to protect you, so I did. I knew what I was getting into when I made that promise, even if I didn't know the specifics."

I smile at her and she returns it, for the first time since she took me to the roof, the fear is gone from her eyes. She takes my hand as we pull from the parking lot, still seeking comfort. But though the fear seems to be gone from her, I've got my own set of worries now. Beck knows how I feel about, even if he was just guessing before, my reaction told him everything he needed to know. As I drive one question plagues my mind:

What if he tells Jade?

**End Notes: Sorry its so short, a new chapter will be up soon. What did you guys think? Drop me a review and let me know. Til next time, I love you guys, KKKG**


	9. A Few Reasons Why

**A/N: Yes, I know, I know, I'm a jerk for not posting a new chapter sooner. Forgive me! T.T I've had a lot going on but that's no excuse. Anyway, hopefully I'm back. Please enjoy, a lot of you have been waiting for this one since the one shot that inspired this fic. So without further ado I give you my latest chapter.**

**Jade's POV**

**A Few Reasons Why**

Two months. I can barely wrap my mind around the fact that it's been that long since Beck threw me out onto the street, since Cat betrayed every trust I put in her, since Tori Vega took me in and became my best friend. It's strange for me to think of her as a friend, not to mention my best one, my only one really. The whole situation has shattered our little circle like a broken mirror, and some of those shards are razor sharp. There hasn't been an incident since Beck and Tori's fight that afternoon but that hasn't stopped Beck and Cat from vilifying Tori far and wide. Robbie cracked under the strain of trying to be everyone's friend at once and Andre…well let's just say that both Vega and me thought there was more to him than was really there.

Not that everything is shit, you know. I've regained my confidence, my swagger. I'm Top Bitch again, Jade West dropped her walls for awhile but the castle is back, the moat is twice as deep and now there's a dragon on guard motherfuckers! At least that's what it looks like on the surface. At home (Tori's house is now more home to me than my father's house ever was) I feel like a completely different person, I'm free, I laugh and smile often. For the first time since I was five, I feel like a part of a family. In short, I place this disgusting and diabetes causing change directly on the shoulders of Tori Vega.

When I tell her she's making me into a sap, she just laughs and hugs me. Case in point this morning:

The smell of pancakes fills the air as I make the fifteenth successful flapjack (the other twelve burned beyond recognition and swiftly buried in the trash) and Trina is the first one downstairs and she quickly pours herself coffee in that sickeningly purple mug of hers before retreating to perform her morning "beauty" ritual.

I'm pouring orange juice when the rest of the Vegas trudge in (none of us are morning people).

"Wow, pancakes huh? I must be rubbing off on you."

"Shut up, Tori." My face felt like a furnace. "This is just payback for the dinner your Mom cooked last night. It was fantastic Mrs. Vega!"

Mrs. Vega merely smiled and waved her hand dismissively over her coffee while her husband dug in with unseemly enthusiasm at the end of the table.

"Don't choke Dad, wouldn't want to have to go to jail due to homicide by breakfast."

We all laugh. Disgusting, I know, but it makes me happy.

The changes even bleed over into school a little, like the fact that Tori is the only one capable of coming within thirty feet of me and not getting scorched. I've had to work hard to regain my reputation and our friendship made that a little more difficult than it should have been, after all it's hard to be scared of someone who's best friends with Miss Sunshine and Bunnies.

Today is the first week since the fight that Tori has been free from her weekend detentions and we've been discussing plans all week. So here I am in Script Writing and while I should be working on my new play, all I can do is think about how much better my life has become in these short weeks. Because of Tori. I smile and since I'm not getting any work done anyway I start writing the first thing that comes to mind and not surprisingly its something for about Tori.

_A Few Reasons Why I like Tori Vega _

_The way she always smells nice, even if it's just shampoo._

_How cute she is when she eats._

_The way she's always warm, even if it's negative 30 degrees._

_The way she looks good no matter what she wears._

_The way she smiles._

_How cute she is when she stands up to me._

_The way she lets me fall into her arms when I cry._

_The ease with which I fit into her arms._

_When she hits me and expects it to hurt._

_Then the way she apologizes when it does hurt (even if I won't admit it.)_

_How she always tries so hard to be my friend._

_And last, the way she looks at me, as though I'm at the summit and she's just at the foot, when clearly it's the other way around_

Looking at the list I realize it could have been written by someone with a crush and I start to tear it to pieces but then I stop myself. Do I have a crush on Vega? The fact that I can even ask myself that question is filled with scary implications. Not that I have a problem with same sex relationships, I'm not a homophobe, I just never considered myself attracted to girls. My head is spinning in a strange back and forth, a looping argument and by the end of class my skull aches but I carefully fold the list and walk to Sikowitz's class, telling myself that I'll deal with these feelings later.

My resolve to deal with the issue later crumbles when I see her and sets off the argument like a road flare in my head. She smiles and makes her way over to me; I nod but don't speak, still stuck in my head.

"You okay, West? You look like you just ate something really sour."

I look over and see the concern hidden behind the bad humor and force myself to smile for her, briefly.

"I'm fine, Tori, just got something on my mind."

"You wanna talk about it?"

Looking at her, I realize that I do, I want to see where it might go if I admit that I may have feelings for her, but a part of me whispers about the career that I want and about how everyone will talk, will think it's wrong, about how I just got them to stop talking about me and for the first time in a long while, I chicken out.

"Nah it's nothing serious, just having some trouble with my script."

That's not a lie, it's not! But it is and it's the first one I've told her since we became real friends. Stupid feelings! Of course she just accepts it.

"Oh, okay, well you know where I am if you need me. I was thinking, you know since I'm free and all maybe we could hit up Karaoke Dokie Saturday night. What do you think?"

"Well, since they have a new owner and I can actually sing this time, sure why not?"

She smiles and all the confusion clears away and we talk for the rest of class, my worries forgotten, until when Sikowitz calls her up to perform I catch myself checking her out as she walks to the tiny stage in the front of the class. It's torture and my skull feels like its been pounded on like an anvil by the time the bell rings. I jet out before Tori who stopped to talk to some of the freshmen. I'm almost to my locker when I slam into what feels like a brick wall.

"Hey, you okay Jade?"

I look up to see a good looking guy from my dance class; he extends a hand to help me up.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

I blow past him and reach my locker and am almost done gathering my books when I feel a presence behind me.

"Hey Tori I need to tal— oh what do you want Michael?"

He smiles and shifts his feet a little and then looks me square in the eye.

"Well, I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to do something sometime."

"You mean like a date?"

"Yeah, maybe dinner and a movie?"

"Look, Michael I don't thin—"I stop myself. Maybe this will help me get my mind off of Tori and back on track, after all it's not like he's unattractive. "You know what, sure, that sounds great. When?"

"How about Saturday night at 8?"

"Sounds good, here's my address."

**End Notes: and that's the new chapter folks. What do you think? Hate me yet? Haha can't wait for the reviews on this one. Til later KKKG**


	10. A Few Reasons Why (part two)

**A/N: What happens when I get my laptop fixed and my muse comes to me? I post a new chapter! I hope this one makes it up to those who were disappointed by what happened with Jade in the last chapter. I love you all and thank you for reviewing and reading my story :) anyway submitted for your approval:**

**Tori's POV**

**A Few Reasons Why (part two)**

_"How about Saturday night at 8?"_

_"Sounds good, here's my address."_

The words play over and over in my head as I work the forms with Vibora, striking at the straw dummies that my dad bought me for practice at home. Even in the dim halls of memory, the events of Thursday afternoon are crystal clear: Jade acting strange all day, feeding me that shitty story about her script as her eyes screamed lie at me, finding the note that made my heart soar into the clouds and then the crushing hurt as I heard her agree to go on a date with a boy she barely even knew existed. She never saw me standing there afterwards, just walked on to my car as if she hadn't brushed aside our plans for today and smashed my hopes into dust in one fell swoop.

I tried to forget about it, lose myself in the flowing strikes of my sword, Vibora like silvery lightning in my hands. Turn, shift, spin, slash, thrust, sidestep, twist, strike, strike, strike, strike...

Outside my house a horn blew, and suddenly a rage erupted inside of me and I lashed out with my blade, once, twice, thrice and all the straw dummies are headless, severed by Vibora's razor edge. From my vantage point I watched as Jade jumped the last few stairs and rushed out of the door, waving to my mom as she went.

"Damn." I whispered angrily, wiping away tears that suddenly sprang into my eyes. "Stop it, you're not gonna cry."

Easier said than done.

I wiped down Vibora and sheathed her and went to take a shower. The heat of the water washed away some of the despair I had been unable to shake since Thursday afternoon and when I finally got out I was greeted by the most heavenly smell.

My mother had made chocolate chip cookies. From scratch.

I love my mother.

I head downstairs, dressed but with a towel still wrapped around my wet hair, to find my mother waiting for me. Her expression was stern but her eyes were lit up like they are when she figures out who the murderer is on those crime shows she loves so much.

"Your father and Trina are gone, Jade's out of the house, we're alone. Kitchen, young lady. Now."

I follow her into the kitchen wondering what I could have possibly done to warrant the Police Interrogation version of my mother.

"So what's up?"

"Spill it Tori. You've been hiding something from me for too long now. Fighting at school, moping around the house and just now, you haven't lost control of your sword like that since you started taking lessons. Now what's going on, you've got your father and I very worried, honey."

I look at my mother who tried so hard to sound like the tough parent but she softened, her worry outweighing her anger and I start to cry, tears rolling down my face like a rainstorm. Mom takes me into her arms and just holds me until they stop and I'm hiccuping, just like I always do after a hard cry. She hands me a washcloth to wipe my face and a glass of water and then settles down in a chair to wait.

Okay. Here goes nothing. I look up from my glass, ready to tell her the truth.

"I'm in love with-with Jade."

My mother looks at me and then starts to laugh. Naturally I'm outraged at this uncalled for reaction to my confession.

"MOM! Why are you laughing?! I just told you that I'm a lesbian! That I'm in love with a girl who barely notices that I exist! And you think that's funny?!"

She just laughs harder. When it finally stops she looks at me and says:

"I'm sorry Tori, but that's the big secret? The one you were afraid to tell me? Honey, I knew how you felt about Jade the second day she was here. You don't hide it very well, at least not from me. It's how you look at her, the way you shift when you sit near her, the way your eyes light up when you talk to her, I know you love her."

"You're really okay with me being...well you know?"

"Of course, Tori! Your father and I will love you no matter what, you know that! We are a little disappointed that we won't be getting any grandkids from you..."

"MOM!"

She laughs again and this time I join in, unable to help myself. Just like that, my mother made half of my worries vanish like smoke.

A little while later we're in the livingroom, watching a crappy reality show and enjoying her fabulous cookies when the serious conversation returns.

"So, Jade huh? You couldn't make things easy on yourself, could you? That's gonna be what my grandmother used to call a hard patch to hoe."

"I can't help it. At first, all I wanted was to be her friend but now, its like when she's near me I feel like I'm floating and when she's gone I'm empty and she doesn't even notice the effect she has on me. And then I found this Thursday and I was so happy..."

I dig the list Jade had written out of my purse and hand it to her to read.

"Tori..."

"But then that guy, Michael, asked her out and she said yes and just blew off our plans for today and I just-I just... What am I gonna do?"

I lay my head on my mom's shoulder and sigh, too tired by the day's events to even think about crying again.

"I don't think you need to worry too much, Tori. I think she feels something for you too. She's changed since she started living here and I think that that's part of it and if she does feel something for you, maybe that's why she accepted his invitation: she's scared. And she's running. Give her some time, she'll come around."

"What if she doesn't?"

"Then she wasn't worth your time. You'll find the right person for you, honey. Don't worry. And trust me, love is worth the wait."

After the show ends, Mom and I clean up the crumbs we left on the couch and I head to my room, feeling apprehensive but, also feeling a lot better about my situation with Jade. My mother had reminded me that it wasn't hopeless, that the note Jade had written, meant something. I just had to wait and hope. I could do that, I could give Jade the time she needed to figure things out for herself. I realized that all of this, if it was real, was new to Jade. I'd had two years to get used to the idea of loving her, things weren't just going to happen over night. I re-read the list and think of all the things I like about Jade. I decide to put them on paper just as she did.

_A Few Reason Why I Like Jade West_

_The way her eyes light up when she smiles_

_The way she feels when she lets me hold her_

_The way it feels when she holds me_

_The way her voice stirs me when she sings_

_The way her heart is soft and gold like a sunset_

_The way she hides everything about herself only to pour her soul into her words_

_The way she says hates the world but loves all the things that make it worthwhile_

_The way I fell in love with her, because of who she is inside, not what she shows the world_

With those thoughts whirling around my head I turned off my lights and laid down to sleep.

As I slept, I dreamed of Jade.

**End Notes: Well, what do you guys think? I'm a little disappointed myself, but over all I like it. Let me know. Oh also you should all thank Ms. MellyHorror-Salvatore-Northman for this chapter because she posted soooooooooo many Jori oneshots and made me feel both ashamed of myself for not posting faster and extremely inadequate at the same time. Please go read her stories they are awesome. Also expect another chapter by Saturday at the latest. Love you all, please review! KKKG**


	11. Whispers in the Dark

**A/N: I always try to keep my promises, unfortunately I was unable to put this up on Saturday as I said it would be, however, my laptop is operational and my muse is drifting in and out but still present. I will try to update at least once every two weeks minimum until this story is finished, I had originally planned for 10 to 15 chapters but now, who knows. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Now submitted for the approval, of the Midnight Society, I present:**

**Jade's POV**

**Whispers in the Dark**

"Hey, Ms. West. Get in, let's do this thing."

Michael is hanging out of the window on the driver's side motioning me to hurry. The door to the mustang opens wide for me and I slide in, trying my best not to look back and see if Vega is watching from the door. Ducking past her after Michael blew his goddamn car horn was hard enough and if I saw her face my resolve would have crumbled to nothing. I smile like I don't feel like I'm a total bitch for ditching Tori.

"What's the hurry show off?"

"No hurry, just been looking forward to this date since Thursday. High point of my life, you know."

I laugh because he's being funny, but inside I still feel like shit. As we pull away from the Vega house he flips on the CD player and immediately scores some points because he doesn't have anything cliché blaring through his speakers, instead Audio Slave comes through belting out Like a Stone and my god that man can sing, not Michael, the lead singer. Michael is awful but he isn't self conscious about it so we have fun screaming off key and tuneless lyrics at each other until we pull into the parking lot of The Sky Garden, a massive Italian restaurant that has its diners suspended over a beautiful flower garden on a transparent sheet of glass, much like those glass bottom boats that tour the reefs.

"You sure that you aren't showing off?"

"Maybe a little. You don't strike me as someone easily impressed, so I figured I'd go all out."

The sad part of it all, was that if I hadn't felt like a total gank, this would have been an impressive date: The Sky Garden's food was wonderful and Michael was charming, funny and handsome, but the entire night all I could think about was the hurt on Tori's face when I told her that we'd have to cancel our plans. The worst part was she didn't even ask why, she'd just said "Okay" with that disappointment written all over her.

After dinner, we went to the movies where my night shifted upwards a bit. No matter how bad I was feeling, horror movies always cheer me up and we were seeing The Scissoring, Part Two. During the movie, which he was intelligent enough to not talk during, Michael took my hand. I hadn't realized that I'd been that good of an actress but either he was delusional or I had really convinced him I was having a great time even though I was miserable. As he laced our finger together I found myself surprised that it felt wrong. His hand weren't gross or anything, they were just wrong. I spent a good bit trying to decide what it was before the movie sucked me in.

"Man that was the best! Jade, did you see they way she split that guy down the middle! Holy Crow!"

"I know right! And the ending was perfect! I can't believe I didn't see that coming, usually I'm great at predicting the twists at the end, but jeez the way the lead girl picked up the killer's scissors and stabbed her boyfriend, new killer means new movies! Thank God!"

As the euphoria of the movie wore off, I began to feel that same sense of wrongness and the full force of my guilt hit me at a run and suddenly all I wanted to do was go home. I yawned and stretched and popped my neck before turning to Michael.

"Hey, it's getting pretty late, I need to hit the sack soon, I have a project for Sikowitz due Monday that I'm going to have to get up early to finish tomorrow."

"Sure, no problem."

We pulled into the driveway a little while later and as I began to get out of the car, his hand on my arm stopped me.

"So, did you have a good time tonight?"

Except for the movie, not particularly, but I couldn't say that, Vega was rubbing off on me in a bad way. I mustered up a smile, half-smile anyway. The closer we got to home the worse I had started to feel.

"Yeah, it was good, I'm glad I came out with you."

"Good, then I don't feel so bad for stealing from you."

"What? What do you—"

Before I could finish my question, he was kissing me and that same sense of wrongness washed over me.

"Sorry," he said with a grin that said he wasn't sorry at all, "I couldn't help myself. I had a great time tonight too."

"Thanks for dinner and the movie, Michael, I've got to go."

"Call me?"

"Yeah, I will."

I gave him another smile that I didn't feel and waited until he had driven around the corner before I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand; the feeling of wrongness had stayed there even after he'd stopped kissing me. I let myself in and waved to Tori's parents who were on the couch watching a movie on TV and headed upstairs for a shower.

Later, while I was lying in bed unable to sleep, I went over the date in my mind, trying to figure out why it felt so wrong. It wasn't just the hurt I'd caused my best friend, (though that had worked me over pretty well, my guilt meter was still in full tilt for ditching Tori) something else was interfering. I got up and paced, which usually helps me think, but the room was too small so I walked out and started pacing the hallway, careful not to wake anyone up.

It wasn't until I passed her door for the third time that it dawned on me.

I opened the door to Tori's room and looked in; her room was pitch-black except for a tiny sliver of moonlight slicing through the darkness from her window. It illuminated her bed just enough for me to see her face framed by her sea of beautiful, curly dark hair. I crossed the room, grabbed her chair and sat next her bed, watching her sleep.

She was beautiful.

I began to cry silently; thank God she sleeps like a rock.

"Tori," I whisper, "I spent the entire date feeling awful about blowing off our plans. It was wrong and stupid and if I could take it back I would. As nice as it was to go out like that, as charming and as cute as he was, every time he touched me felt wrong, it felt wrong when he held my hand, when he put his arm around me, when he kissed me and I couldn't understand why."

I take a breath and try to still my heartbeat and stop my tears.

"But now I get it. It was wrong because it wasn't you. It wasn't your arm around me, it wasn't your hand holding mine, and it wasn't your lips kissing me. And I wanted it to be. I was scared and stupid and now I don't know how to tell you that I think I'm falling for you."

I stop talking, close my eyes and let the tears have me for a moment. Then I feel hands reach out and touch my face, I feel thumbs wiping away my tears. I open my eyes and stare into Tori's, her expression was indescribable.

"I think you just did…" she whispers as she pulls me to her and kisses me, her lips so soft against mine, like she's afraid she'll break me. I'm shocked into stillness for a moment and then I'm kissing her back. The kiss is soft and slow, filled with all the things I want to say, the things I can't say yet, then it changes, becomes fierce and passionate as she pulls me onto the bed, her hands swimming through my hair as my own rest on her waist.

When we finally break apart, deliciously breathless, I feel her hand come down from my hair and rest on my back while the other stops on my chest, just above my heart (which jumps, beating so hard it feels like its trying to touch her). She looks up at me and in the moonlight I see the confusion etched on her face.

"Is this real? Or am I dreaming?" she whispers.

I smile and lean down to kiss her again.

"It's real," I whisper against her lips. "It's real."

**End Notes: Again, sorry for my lateness. Hopefully this makes up for it. As always, review and let me know what you think. New chapter as soon as I'm able. Love you all! KKKG**


	12. Hanging by a Moment

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back again with the next installment of Lost and Delirious. I'm so glad that so many of you liked the last chapter and thank you for all of the reviews ****! I hope that you like this one as well. I present to you, free of charge, the latest chapter:**

**Tori's POV**

**Hanging by a Moment**

_Desperate for changing, starving for Truth, I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you…_

I wake to my darkened room as my alarm goes off with a wild screech. I smile to myself and shake my head at what was probably the best dream I'd ever had: Jade admitting that she had feelings for me…and then kissing me. It was so real that I could still feel her petal-soft lips on mine, still hear her whisper _"It's real…"_ against my mouth.

Too bad it never happened.

I feel my way to my dresser and extract my running clothes, leaving the light off so as to not chase away the wonderful dream just yet. I shimmy out of my sleep shorts and into my jogging pants and change my tank top, all in the dark. Downstairs I grab an apple and put on my running shoes, then take off on my morning routine.

_I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you…_

I keep my normal pace as I leave my neighborhood, but my mind isn't as clear as it usually is when I run. It's full of Jade and the dream from last night. The way her hair felt, silky and soft in my hands, the warmth of her body pressed against mine, the way her heart had jumped under my hand, the passion with which she'd kissed me and I'd kissed back; all so vivid, like a movie I watched rather than a dream. I feel my cheeks heating in a blush and I stumble as my foot slides off the sidewalk, bringing me back to reality. Jade didn't want me, she had Michael. My mind went through its list of why he was so much better for her; of the things I didn't have or couldn't do. In short, all the reasons we would never work.

_Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete, I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now…_

"No."

_I'm falling even more in love with you, I'm letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you…_

I shake my head. My mother is right. There's something there, in her eyes, something hidden. Running clears my head and in my state of clarity, I can see what my mother had seen over the last few weeks: the way Jade turns when I enter the room, the way she laughs and smiles more when I'm around. I can see that she feels something for me; I just have to be patient and wait for her to come to me with it, to share those feelings like we've share so many others.

_I'm living for the only thing I know, I'm running and not quite sure where to go, And I don't know what I'm diving into, Just hanging by a moment here with you…_

It's not like I've been completely honest with her about how I feel either. I've hidden my heart from her because I've been so afraid that she'll crush it. I don't know how she'll react when I tell her, so I don't; I bury it, but…

_There's nothing else to lose…_

…it's not right. She deserves to know. Even if she rejects me. Even if it drives her away. I love her too much for anything else but the truth.

_There's nothing else to find…_

The doubts resurface as I turn the corner back onto my street, hitting me in all my vulnerable spots, and yet they barely register. My resolve to tell her has filled me up, taken away my fear. I don't care about what could go wrong. I'm only focused on what could go right.

_There's nothing in the world that could change my mind…_

Jade means everything to me, which means that she should have all of me, as I am. Anything else would be meaningless.

_There is nothing else…_

I step into the garage where my fencing equipment is set up. I choose my favorite foil and step into the make-shift ring my father had built for me to practice indoors. I spin and strike, flowing from one stance to the next in an ever shifting dance. The foil is light in my hand, much lighter than Vibora, and its music isn't as beautiful, but it still makes the air sing and flash as I cut at invisible opponents, riposte phantom swords, disarm ghosts and run through my imaginary foes. There is nothing of the game that most people think of as fencing in my dance, it is a dance of death, taught by a true master. Mr. Romero says that swordsman-ship is learning how to kill, and hopefully learning the discipline not to do so. But as with my running, my mind is not on my blade, but on Jade. The dream still feels so real to me.

_Desperate for changing, starving for Truth, I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you…_

I wipe down the mat and put my foil away, still wrapped up in my thoughts. I hear her voice: _"It's real."_ I feel her hair, her hands, and her lips. By the time I'm halfway up the stairs leading to my bedroom, I'm more than halfway convinced that it actually happened. I practically run to my door and fling it open, looking inside, hoping to see….nothing. My bed is empty. I laugh at myself softly,grab my pajamas and then head toward the bathroom for my shower.

_I'm falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you…_

_I'm living for the only thing I know, I'm running and not quite sure where to go, and I don't know what I'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you…_

My resolve isn't broken by the sight of my empty bed and the shower smoothes over the dent in my mood. When she wakes up, I'll tell her exactly what she means to me and then at least we'll know where we stand. I walk back into my room and stop, staring at the rumpled sheets on the empty bed wistfully shaking my head, smiling at the memory of the dream.

I'm still smiling when a pair of arms wraps around me and I feel lips touch my neck tenderly.

"Where were you? You've been gone for two hours. Didn't your mother ever teach you not to worry people, Vega?"

_Just hanging by a moment…_

I spin around to see her, her raven-black hair is still sleep tousled, but those beautiful sky colored eyes are clear and she's smiling at me. My eyes begin to mist over, blurring her face. I fling myself at her, hugging her to me tightly.

_Hanging by a moment…_

"What's wrong? Tori, what's wrong, what happened?"

"It was real… Oh my god, it wasn't a dream." I hear myself whisper.

_Hanging by a moment…_

She laughs a sound like silver bells.

"You STILL think last night was a dream? I didn't realize I was such a good kisser."

I shrug.

"Its not every night that the person you love tells you that they're falling for you, Jade. Can you really blame me?"

She pulls away a little and looks into my eyes, something unreadable in the endless blue depths that make up her own.

"You love me?" she whispers, hope staining every word.

It's my turn to laugh as I cup her cheeks in my hands and kiss her.

"Yes." I murmur against her lips.

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you…_

**End Notes: Well? How did I do? Tell me, I must know! Also I didn't say it in the Author's Notes but I hereby dedicate this chapter to mooncheese, without whom it wouldn't exist. Thanks for reading, please leave me a review and let me know what you liked (or didn't!) see ya next time and always remember: love thy dinosaur. KKKG**


	13. Notice

**Dear My Fantastic and Patient Readers,**

**I am going to finish this story. It is not dead. I will not abandon it. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Things have been very bad lately in my life. I have buried two friends in the space of a few weeks, wrecked my car, and had the love of my life walk out on me. When the chaos settles down, I will be back. Thank you so much.**

**KKKG**


	14. All around Me

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! I'm so glad you stuck out the wait for me, things have been awful for far too long but I'm here now and ready to start writing again. So without further ado I give you:**

**All around Me**

**Jade's POV**

Tori loves me.

Tori Vega loves me.

Victoria Marie Vega loves me.

She loves **ME.**

My mind can't grasp it, even as she pulls me into another soul searing kiss and my hands tangle in her hair trying bridge the non-existent gap between us. I will never grow tired of kissing her.

When we break away, breathing heavily, it hits me; I can't say it back. She loves me and I can't say it back. I want to, God I want to so badly, and I want her, I want to see where we go from here, where she's going to take me, but I'm not ready to say those three little words.

Suddenly I'm terrified.

I step away from her just a little and she looks up into my eyes, confusion written there like a little poem in the form of her eyebrows. I don't know what she sees in my eyes but she smiles and steps towards me just a little, like she can't stand the space between us, but doesn't want to scare me away.

Her hand caresses my cheek and her smile turns reassuring as she speaks.

"Jade, its okay. I know this is fast, I know that this is crazy; I know that you aren't ready to say you love me. I know you aren't quite there yet."

"But Tori, its not—"

Her fingers lay across my lips and shut me up. She shakes her head and laughs a little.

"I don't need to hear it yet. I don't _want_ to hear it until you're sure, otherwise it won't mean anything. They're just words, until **YOU** feel them."

She moves just a tiny bit closer, both hands on my cheeks, holding me as if I were the most precious object in the world. Maybe to her, I am.

"All I need is for you to know what I feel. I want you to know that I love you, and I want to try being with you. I want you, Jade, anyway I can have you."

I can't say anything. I just smile, tremulously and feel like I'm about to cry. No one has ever maybe me feel as special as she does. And I know it's cheesy and coming from anyone else I would probably have laughed at that little speech, but coming from Tori, it made my heart soar.

Her eyes and smile suddenly shift and they're no longer reassuring, they're _hungry_ as they roam up and down my form and I realize with a blush that I'm only clad in an oversized t-shirt and my panties. Just having her look at me like that sends a pleasant warmth flood through me. I grab her by the hips and she makes this cute little yip sound just before my lips crash onto hers. My tongue sweeps across her bottom lip and she gasps, allowing me to slip my tongue into her mouth. The kiss goes deeper as our tongues duel, when she suddenly spins me around, only breaking away long enough for a quick breath before her lips are back on mine. My fingers curl into the waistband of her short shorts as she backs us towards her bed.

Just as my knees bump up against the edge of her bed, someone clears their throat loudly. We fly apart like magnets with the same charge, breathing heavily, faces flaming red with embarrassment as Tori's mother stands in the doorway, tapping her foot and trying to look disapproving and not laugh at us at the same time. The laughter wins out and it bubbles out of her as she hugs both of us.

"Wh-what?" I stammer.

"I'm just happy for the two of you, Jade."

Tori's mother beams at us and its infectious, so soon Tori and I are both grinning and when my hand slips into Tori's her mother looks like she might explode. We all sit, Tori and I on her bed and Mrs. Vega in Tori's computer chair and the whole story of my midnight confession comes out as well as Tori's little dream theory.

"You should call that boy soon, Jade. It's not right to lead him on." Mrs. Vega says as she gets up and walks to the door. She pauses in the door way and turns back to us with a serious look on her face.

"I'm happy for you, Tori but from now on, when Jade's in here this door stays open." She winks and walks out of the room.

Tori and I look at each other and burst out laughing. When it finally subsides, she looks at me and I feel that warmth pool in my stomach again. She leans over and kisses me softly and then she stands up.

"Mom's right, you should call Michael. I'm gonna go start on breakfast, anything in particular that you want?"

I feel my mouth quirk up into a half smile and I reach out and snag her hand, pulling her into my lap.

"Yes, actually; I want you." I say kissing her. She giggles into the kiss and then extracts herself from my grasp.

"Ah-Ah-Ah" She says waving her finger at me in mock disapproval. "Despite what was happening before my mom busted in on us, I don't think that either one of us is quite ready for any of…_that_."

She turns and walks out of the door only to stick her head back in quickly and look me dead in the eyes.

"Not that I'm opposed to the idea…"

The sultry look she gives me takes my breath away and then she's gone, humming to herself as she heads downstairs to make breakfast.

I decide to take Mrs. Vega's advice and call Michael. After all, its not like he was a bad guy, he's just not what I want, not what I need. Still it sucks to have to do this to someone.

My hands linger over the final number, not because I'm having doubts but because I don't want to hurt him. Of course there's no way to avoid that now. Deciding, I hit the final number and wait as the phone rings.

"Jade, what's up? You miss me already?"

"Hey Michael, sorry I know its early but I had to call you."

"Nah, its cool, its actually not that early for me. According to my family, I keep unholy hours on the weekend, I've been up since five. So, what's up?"

"Look, this is really awkward, and I'm really sorry but—"

"But you don't want to see me anymore?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry. I know this is overused but its really not you, its me. I really did have a good time last night, if that's any consolation…"

"Jade, breathe! It's okay. It was one date, its not like we were committed. Plus you did seem a little distracted by something."

"I…broke off plans with someone else to go on our date and I was feeling guilty, really, really guilty."

"Ah, and you have feelings for this "someone" I take it?"

"Yeah…again, I'm really sorry."

"No harm no foul, Jade. I'll see you in class Monday?"

"Sure, and Michael…thanks for being so understanding."

After I hang up the phone, I sit sort of shell-shocked that he didn't blow up on me. He's a better guy than I thought and whoever he ends up with is one lucky girl.

I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and Tori's lips press against the side of my head.

"Breakfast is ready."

I turn around and kiss her. I can feel her all around me, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like everything is gonna be okay.

**End Notes: I know its sort but I'm just getting back into the swing of things. Hope you like it! More to come soon. Love thy dinosaur. KKKG**


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